I’ll never say it out loud

But i miss you. The person,

Not the hell we went through.

But why? Why do my thoughts

Constantly remind me.

Of everything.

No peace.

Just the mess left, the heart; wrecked.

Tears in my eyes at i write.

Fucking up, cant even spell tonight.

You left a hole, in our family.

An empty space that wasn’t supposed

To be; empty.

I cry alone, where no one can hear.

Or ask what’s wrong. So i can just

drown. Maybe make peace

With the demons i fear.

No one can replace you, that i am

Certain of.

But i don’t want a replacement,

Or a repeat of the shit we caused.

I wish we could’ve changed it.

That cycle of endless relapse

And abuse.

You were my soulmate, the one

Even now i would choose.

But i refuse.

Because i am tired of being used.

Tired of sleepless nights, of never

ending tears to cry. Of every single

Fucking lie. Gaslighting my mind..

Fractured heart still entwined;

with you.The tears still fall,

the hole in my Heart never mending.

Looking at a Future seemingly empty.

Death comes knocking, should I

Answer? Or suffer more behind

A closed door.

Waiting for… What exactly?

What more could i ask for?

To be happy?

I tried everything, time to just wait and

See. If i can start again,

Or will i run back to be emptied,

Then filled again,

With love, hate, sorrow, and envy.

Get out of my head, please.

So i can at least make peace

With the demons created from

The heartbreak between

You and me.

2 thoughts on “GET OUT OF MY HEAD

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